Not against NS

It's June 1st, and I'm sitting in bed watching the sun shining through the windows. I know it's been a long time since I last shared anything, and I know that a lot of what I've shared is about sexual and relationship situations. But now I've really been in hibernation from everything that concerns sharing my life and what's really going on in it. I've struggled with anxiety, PTSD, and depression for so many years.

I recently became disabled, but that's because on paper, I have fibromyalgia. What is it really?

Fibromyalgia is a chronic pain condition characterized by widespread pain in the muscles and bones, accompanied by extreme fatigue, sleep problems, and cognitive difficulties. The condition cannot be detected with blood tests or X-rays, but is now considered a disease of the central nervous system in which pain signals are amplified.

So it's actually the nervous system that is imbalanced and in high gear all the time and if any stress gets in the way then it's just like I'm being chased by a bear that I'm trying to run away from. So yes, I struggle with fibromyalgia too.

And is this the same for everyone? Or is it really just a diagnosis we get when no one understands why we can't cope with everyday life on par with "normal" people who are healthy, do a job for society, and are available to everyone?

I now have about ten years of experience with living and trying to understand my body physically, psychologically, and mentally. I mean that after the last 4 years, I understand that if I don't say No, set clear boundaries, make demands from my "leader set" in my body, then no one else will help me either. I have to take responsibility for my life and take back my power as the woman I am. BUT, that means that some people will now get angry on the road because I say no to people, activities, work opportunities, family, or children.

I have to put my foot first and then take the child with the cat and me, I can't put the child first. At least not if it goes beyond it afterwards. On the plane, you save yourself first, but in another acute incident, you save your family first. So, in everyday life, I save myself to survive in the long run. Otherwise, I end myself by not having the energy to live. Because I'm exhausted of taking in everyone's crap. Or the pain of putting the child first and losing myself in the process, or putting my husband before my needs because he "needs" me just as much as a child.

Is it any wonder that we mothers are burned out, have fibromyalgia, anxiety, depression, PTSD, or something else? If we constantly go over our limits and put everyone else first, because that's what is expected of us in society and the world. Is it any wonder that some give up because they can't take it anymore..

I understand... but choose to stand by it and take one step ahead of the other, I trust my guides and that the universe is watching over me and making sure that everything goes as it should and that I take the necessary steps that are about taking care of myself, resting, sleeping, eating, enjoying and having fun and then giving that energy to my child when the cup is full. Then I can be the mother that my son deserves, and at the same time be with the nervous system. Not against it.

What do you think about this?

Love

Gunhild