NO

Why should it be so incredibly difficult to set boundaries and say no? Since I could remember, I have often said yes just because I didn't want to hurt those who mattered, be a nuisance or be difficult, so I just let people step on my boundaries, which meant that I have carried other people's sorrows, pain and frustrations over time and taken them on my shoulders so that others could relax. What do you think it does to a person over time? Do you think it gives you energy or makes you burn out and in a state of exhaustion.

I remember once that my mother was so angry, I heard and saw her throw the wooden bread bowl on the floor on purpose because she was so angry at my father. I was scared and therefore often got scared when my mother was angry, maybe because of that episode or it just reinforced previous experiences.

As an adult, I also have this anger where I get so angry that I want to throw something, scream, shout, get it out and it is as much power as a hurricane or thunderstorm in force. But it's not just mine, I understand, it's something mine, a little bit of my mother's. a little bit of other women and men in the family and now it's my turn. I get so upset every time, because I can only shield myself and pour my anger out into a pillow, lying in the fetal position and let it pour out. Once, recently, I screamed so deeply that I was scared, because it was a voice that wasn't mine and I was scared because it was so deep and at the same time so powerful.

Then I understood that this comes from generations of fear, oppression and that and being in your place and not thinking that you are something like a whiner. That it's about not sticking out, but working and taking a stand and at the same time being available for abuse and gossip or other people's problems, which they can't handle and deal with themselves due to lack of knowledge and capacity.

I myself have been raped as an adult, I have met men who have seen me as trash that they can just use as they want, when it suits them and when after 2-3 months I thought that now we are a couple and asked them out, but they rejected me. I have experienced that and many other scenarios.

But I see that when I suppress emotions, go into a panic, have anxiety attacks or dissociate, it is because it becomes too much for the nervous system.

SO ONE THING, are my experiences, something else is and carry others on top, THAT is not good.

Is it strange that I have rage attacks and practice putting my foot down, but feel that I go right back to the track of taking other people's problems on my shoulders, as if it is more comfortable than being free..

I am on a journey to take back my power, set those boundaries and at the same time let go and put on my hat for others.

But it takes time and the past is my job and understanding my past.

If you have similar experiences and feel it is good to know that there are more of us, then I would say that it is sad that it is like that, but at the same time I would say that you have a task on this earth and if you can turn this into a learning arena, then you will win at the other end.

No matter how hopeless it feels sometimes.

So it will work out, have faith in your guides.

Love

Gunhild