What Is RBDSMA?
Why RBDSMA Conversations Should Be Normal – And Ongoing
When it comes to dating, sex, and intimacy — most people want the same things: safety, connection, consent, and clarity. But too often, we skip the most important step that makes all of that possible: talking openly before anything happens.
That’s where RBDSMA comes in.
This simple yet powerful tool creates a safe foundation before anything sexual or emotional unfolds. Whether you’re seeing someone new, deepening a relationship, or exploring kink, polyamory, threesomes or group experiences — RBDSMA is a practice everyone should know.
What Is RBDSMA?
RBDSMA stands for:
R — Relationship status
B — Boundaries
D — Desires
S — STDs and Safer sex
M — Meaning
A — Aftercare
It’s a clear and respectful conversation that should happen before a second date, before sex, or before exploring something new — and it’s especially helpful in non-traditional dynamics like casual play, threesomes, or group settings.
Let’s Break It Down
(Referencing the original Instagram carousel)
Relationship Status — Are you single, in an open relationship, poly, monogamous? Are you looking for something serious, playful, spiritual, or undefined? When we’re honest about our status and intentions, we help others make informed choices.
Boundaries — This is where we talk about our “no’s” and “maybe’s.” What kind of touch feels good or not? Are there emotional limits? Physical ones? Talking about this upfront removes fear and confusion.
Desires — What are you into? What excites you, turns you on, makes you curious? Sharing desires isn’t pressure — it’s information. It invites possibility and deepens intimacy.
STDs and Safer Sex — When were you last tested? Do you use condoms, dental dams, gloves? Are you on PrEP? These are essential questions — not shameful ones. Health is part of consent.
Meaning — What does intimacy mean to you? Is it sacred? Light-hearted? Healing? Just for fun? People often get hurt not because sex happened — but because it meant something different to each person.
Aftercare — What do you need after intimacy? Space, cuddles, snacks, kind words, or a message the next day? Aftercare isn’t just for kink. It’s for humans.
RBDSMA Is Not Just a One-Time Talk
Here’s the most important part:
RBDSMA is not a one-time checklist. It’s a living practice.
We change. Our needs change. Our boundaries evolve.
What felt good last month might feel different today.
That’s why checking in regularly — especially in long-term relationships — keeps connection alive and prevents silent assumptions.
It’s also powerful to revisit RBDSMA:
After a new experience
When your feelings change
When you're trying something new
Or simply every few weeks or months
Think of it as a relationship hygiene practice — like brushing your teeth, but for your emotional and sexual well-being.
Why It Matters — For Everyone
RBDSMA is not just for poly people or the kink community.
It’s for anyone who wants consensual, clear, respectful intimacy — no matter your gender, orientation, or relationship style.
When we normalize RBDSMA conversations, we:
Prevent harm and confusion
Build real trust
Increase pleasure
Create safer spaces for exploration
Make RBDSMA a Normal Part of Dating Culture
If you’re dating or exploring sexuality, try this:
At the end of your first date (or even during it), say:
“Hey, I follow something called RBDSMA — it’s just a conversation that helps both of us be clear and safe. Want to go through it together before we meet again?”
It’s simple.
It’s powerful.
And it can change everything — for the better.
My experience using these letters (RBDSMA) has made me feel much safer when entering a new sexual relationship.
The more I know about the other person — sexually and in terms of their future plans — the easier it is to navigate an intimate relationship, whether it's monogamous or involves multiple partners.
The safer you both feel with each other, the more you can actually enjoy it.
I’ll continue using this at the beginning and throughout a relationship.
Are you going to try it?
Source: is from Lollipop Community Norway and Eric Osterlund
Alot of love
Gunhild
